Oh! Grandpa got new socks today, And all his friends are here to stay. Bill and Bob and Teddy too, And Les who fills his hair with goo. They play with them for hours on end, Put them on their feet and then Laugh it up and play again. The clock is winding near to ten. Bill gets mad and hits Bob's face. Grandpa stands and grabs his brace. Teddy looks on with disgrace. Les and Bill get in a chase. Grandpa grabs his socks and runs. Bob and Teddy grab their guns. Grandpa ducks but its too late, Teddy shoots him in the plate. Bob jumps up and grabs the socks. Puts 'em in a tinder box. Les and Bill gang up on Ted Kick his face 'til he is dead. Bob is trying to get home. Billy stabs him with a comb. Les and Bill go one on one. Bill throws up on everyone. Les tries clearing up his face, Billy kills him with a mace. Mom and Dad and son stop by, Mommy can't believe her eyes. Sonny reaches for the socks, Daddy kills him dead with rocks. Next he tries to get them but Mommy kicks him in the nuts. Bill and Mommy run away To a better place and day. If you ask them they will say, "Buy them socks, it's fun that way!"By Biff January 12, 1988
Maude 'n Joe 'n Ralph 'n Bess sat quietly in their seats, Sam the waitress rushed right out and brought them tasty treats. The day was pretty normal too; the same for any town, Except for a low pressure center and aardvarks hanging 'round. These weren'y ordinary varks for their hair was oily green. Theyt beat up kids with iron rods and their breath's like kidney beans. They moved into the restaurant and started breaking forks, Stealing all the butter knives and beating up the dorks. The pancakes were real tasty and the syrup yummy too. So they gobbled them all up, and saved the suryp to make stew. The customers were mad, and then they started to fight back. But the aardvarks simply ate them and put their toenails in a sack. And it was... The day the aardvarks took over the Internation House of Pancakes. Kids were screaming and wet their new pants While they were being hacked to pieces. They broke out all the windows, They ate up the door, They finished the food, And screamed for more. And it was... The day the aardvarks took over the Internation House of Pancakes. I tried to leave but I could not get out with all my limbs. I lost an arm. I really do regret Going into that zoo. I know I'll never forget. By Biff February 15, 1988, Them Thar's birthday!
Grab yhourself a gun, Come on, let's have fun. It's aardvark hunting season Today. Let's go to the woods, It will do you good 'Cause it's high time you learmed to Filet. Aardvark hunting. Now they are in season. Aardvark hunting. Now we have a reason to make stew. Track a big ol' bear, He will take you where All the aardvarks hop and skip And run. Hide among the trees, Catch the scent down breeze, We'll be eating aardvark soup for sure, By gum! Aardvark hunting. Now they are in season. Aardvark hunting. Now we have a reason to make stew. Spoken: Look! There's one of 'em now! [sound of heavy machine gun fire] Missed 'em! Wait! He's charging! He's got a gernade! [sound of huge explosion] Aardvarks everywhere, Diving from the air. Parachuting down in groups Of ten. Won't get out alive, How can we survive When the aardvarks are rebelling Once again. Aardvark hunting. Now they are in season. Aardvark hunting. Now we have a reason to make stew. by Keez February 19, 1988
I awoke late last night at a quarter past two And to my amazement, my bladder had grew! So quickly I flew to the room of the loo Where the urinals few line the walls two by two. I knew I was due for the minutes were few, My stomach did stew and the urgency grew. But OOooooo! What is the blue that lies in the loo? I simply can't do at the sight of the goo! In an instant I knew that this just would not do, Have the loo filled up with this goo. Quickly I knew it was Adrian Belew Who put all this goo in the depth of the loo. But what does it do, this blue in the loo? A trick by some shrew to make loos smell so new? But I knew that the goo in the loo was not new For I stepped in some once with the heel of my show When my Aunt Belzadowsky took me once to the zoo As we ran, quite pursued, by a green cockatoo. I digress, Yes I do, for the stories not thorugh! I stopped with me standing in front of the loo Where my bladder was full and the minutes were few. That's when Mr. Belew appeared out of the blue... He stepped on my show and he shouted out, "BOO!" I asked, he refused to admit to the goo Which had clogged up the plumbing of this once great loo. Then he left, quickly too! It was then that I knew that he lied about putting the blue in the loo. But that will not help me, oh what should I do? 'Cause my filling up bladder still won't go... Could you? By Akbar & Jeff sometime in 1992