Uncle Smeggy's Personality Profile Quiz

1. Please complete the following sentence:
The approximate number of square miles in the state of Indiana is

2. In social situations, you are more likely to:
Draw yourself up into a perfect ball
Strip to your underpants and sing Rolling Stones covers

3. It is a Tuesday. You are in your car waiting at a red light in a residential area. Suddenly, a rabid squirrel
pounces on your windshield and begins making obscene pelvic motions. What do you do?
Scream and run the red light, leaving a path of death and destruction.
Invite the squirrel in for a breath mint.
Nothing. This happens every Tuesday and the squirrel is an old friend.

4. What am I thinking right now?
I wish I had a breath mint right now!
Did I always have hair there and am just now noticing it?
Just how do they cram all that graham?
Like, man, that's one big, juicy onion!

5. This man
Will give a brief Bible message
Is a double dividend!
Is not available at all locations

6. Who wrote that urban classic, "The Blue Goo in the Loo"?:
Physicians Assistant Seuss
Akbar and Jeff
Peter Frampton
The Pope

7. If Carl Sagan (deceased) and Milton Berle fought to the death, who would win?
three way tie

8. What is your favorite brand of soup?
Uncle Smeggy's Gristle and Lymph Node

9. If you were caught with a closet full of John Tesh albums, you would:
Deny their existance.
Lemon currey?

10. Stare deeply into this swirling orb... you will remember nothing of this current question.

11. Zum scribni bas nibbin frip jeehee la fumber?
Ta nackie!
Frip dee haba loobah

12. You are visiting your bearded Aunt Ruth. She serves you a bowl of soup. What flavor is it?
Cream of Manatee
Lobster Boy and Corn

13. Choose one:

14. Once, when you were a small woodland creature you accidentally:
fell off a high limb onto some wet leaves.
moved your 401k funds into a high risk junk-bond money-market managed by tree frogs.
ticked off the squirrels at the Mason Lodge.
Lemon currey?

15. Four out of five dentists:
recommend Trident to their patients who chew gum.
became highly irritated at the mere mention of "dental accupuncture".
have an unhealthy fascination with tree sap.
wish they were podiatrists.

15. Hey!
You go, girl!

16. Soup goes best with
monkey love.
the fifth dentist.
SPAM and carpet.

17. Your life is best described by the following cliche:
"A bird in the hand can make an unsightly mess."
"An apple a day is a good source of fiber and loosens the stool, which is pleasant."
"Homme moyen sensuel."
"Gee, your hair smells terrific!"

18. Select your favorite catch phrase from the list below:
Dogs LOVE trucks!
I've got a BROTHER?!?!?
Ancient Chinese secret, huh?
Mr. Whipple has the softest hands!
I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.

Ok, now hold your breath, stand on one toe and